happiness.
10.04.2002, 12:45 a.m.

do you ever wonder how many more times you'll be fucked over in life? i've been wondering that lately.

i was thinking about how everyone thinks they are the victim all the time. think of some of the people you've fucked over, if you can't think of anyone, then i'm sorry, you've got a huge case of denial. and i'd like a prescription to the denial medicine your on. half the time, the reason friendships dissolve is because both people fucked eachother over so many times, that they each just don't want to deal with it. that's just a theory, but damn. i've fucked people over in my life just because they hurt my feelings or offended me one too many times. that's happened somewhat recently. someone just kept making me feel like shit, so i fucked them over. half the time people just don't fit into my agenda. if i have a plan for how my days going to go, it's going that way and if i have to fuck you over, then so be it. i can be a bitch sometimes. sometimes i fuck people over and don't realize it and when i realize it, i want to apologize but i feel like an ass.

sometimes i wonder if people really think about how the person they are fucking over feels after they get fucked over. sometimes i laugh at people who fuck over people because the fucked over person gets their revenge. i don't know why i'm on a big 'fuck over' rant. i just am. i think because people are really pissing me off lately.

the thing that really pisses me off is people who get fucked over and they did nothing wrong to the person. like if your an awesome worker, you are your bosses bitch basically because if he says 'hey, wipe my ass' you will already have it done before he even says it. thats what pisses me off. the hard workers who get their hours cut, or they don't get the raise, or the promotion. it's bullshit. because normally the person getting the recognition is some half brained twit who just kissed ass at the right time.

and those fucking jehovah's witnesses piss me off. but you know who pisses me off even more? the church of latter-day saints or whatever. they've taken up 2 horus of my time to give me the book of mormon and tell me that after jesus ascended into heaven, he came back down to the united states just to tell people to get baptised. back then there WAS no united states. and once jesus ascended, HE FUCKING STAYED THERE. now, if your a mormon, i'm sorry, but you belong to a cult. it's a proven fact that joseph smith was a cock sucker. he was. the fact that he put these two sweet girls out there for 18 months with only 2 phone calls home a year and writting a letter once a week pisses me off. i mean, how much more cult-ish could you get? restricting how often someone can talk to their families is bullshit. especially for 18 months. do you know what could happen in 18 months? what if your fucking mother died?

it pisses me off that people come to your door and tell you the only way you can get into heaven is by joining their church. when it clearly says in the bible that the BIBLE is the only way to get into heaven. it pisses me off.

and it pisses me off that this makes me fired up. but hey, i got extra hormones and emotions to go around. so, whatever. i'm allowed to be fired up.

it pisses me off that i feel i can't talk about whats going on in my life in my own diary. i have a feeling it won't be a secret for forever. if you haven't figured it out by now, then i kind of pity you. i've dropped hints. but, then again, if you haven't figured it out, thank you for not caring. that's part of why i don't write here. cuz people here just don't give a fuck. they read what you write, and just push it away. the people at my other diary leave me notes and encourage me after every entry. true i don't write a lot, but it makes me feel better. especially after having a rough time. but then again, it might piss me off if people here started doing that. but then again, i don't know. its almost like being raped when you have an online diary. people read your inner most thoughts and leave feeling satisfied that they indulged their curiousity while you continue to feel depressed, lonely, vulnerable, or whatever it is that your feeling. its a mind rape.

i'm tired and it's past when i normally go to bed and i've ranted enough. so i'm going to go now.

continue on your pursuit to happiness.

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