due date +3.
02.01.2003, 12:04 p.m.

alright. so the due date was january 29th. and still, no baby. the longest they will let me continue to be pregnant is 2 weeks from the due date, which is february 12. if they let you remain pregnant after that, the baby runs a huge risk of getting all kinds of bad diseases. so, it being february first, i have 11 more days, max.

for a long time, many months (up until being pregnant began to literally hurt every bone in my 5 foot 4 inch body) i wanted her to be born february 3rd. why? i don't know. it just sounded good. it kept in with my obsession with multiples of 3 (like, if i'm listening to the radio or watching tv, the volume HAS TO be on a multiple of three. and if it's not, then it slowly drives me mad). so, hopefully on monday i will have a little baby girl and i will be considerably thinner. like i was before i got pregnant. which, i'm learning, is such a double edged sword. you learn a lot. like, i thought i was fat before. i wasn't. now being pregnant, i'm daunted by the fact that, (dundundun) i really am big. i'm rolly polly and there isn't jack shit i can do about it. besides wait.

on my due date (january 29th, for those of you who can't remember) i had a wonderful scare. i thought my water broke. so, josh, my mom, and i went down to the hospital, our so nicely packed bag with all kinds of fun goodies in it was placed in the trunk and i was scared out of my mind. but no. it seems that there are so many embarassing aspects of pregnancy that there is no way they can fit into that completely stupid, worthless book 'what to expect when you're expecting'. they tell you that you can develop hemorrhoids, and you become constipated, and you begin farting at the worst times. but they seem to forget to tell you that by month 9, your bladder has so much additional weight on it, that it'll just randomly leak, or worse, empty. well, if you think about it, my uterus is about 41 centimeters now, from top to bottom. i have a 7 pound baby (at least she was 7 pounds 2 weeks ago, the way these babies gain weight is amazing) on my bladder, not to mention amniotic fluid and the sort. so, as the resident nurse at the hospital said, sometimes you leak a little bit of urine. well, i was embarassed. because not only does your body look ugly, it does ugly things. but, luckily, josh was perfectly nice about it. he didn't laugh at the fact that the lady just told me, in a nice way, that i had been basically peeing myself all day. which doesn't make sense to me, seeing as i had to pee every 25 minutes. but still. it was a nice sentiment. and at least it wasn't gushes, it was just a slow drizzle. kind of like the beginning or end of a period. but, oh well. i can live with the fact that there are stretch marks in places i would rather there not be stretch marks, i've gained almost half of my pre-pregnancy weight, i waddle, my only pair of maternity pants are too small on my hips, because NOW is when my hips and butt decide to grow, and abotu a trillion other things that just suck about pregnancy.

so, now when i hear about a teenager, girl, boy, whatever, talking about sex and how they wish they had it, i want to literally smack them. especially girls. but boys too, because they get the fun and not the pain of carrying a 7 pound baby that makes every inch of your body ache. yes, it was stupid to get pregnant. but, guess what? i have to deal with it. and if that means i go around and smack every teenager who has sex, then damnit, i will.

oh, and your cervix must dialate to 10 centimeters before you can push the wonderful baby out. and almost a month ago (january 6th) i was dialated to a centimeter. that made me happy, seeing as SOMETHING was happening. well, guess what? that centimeter of dialation has not changed to 2 centimeters. it has stayed one. so, of course, in the hospital when they said 'yeah, you're about 1 centimeter dialated,' josh got a chuckle out of that because i'm getting frustrated. he wanted the baby to come in february, well, he's getting his wish. and of course, she is already a daddy's girl and she hasn't even left my uterus yet. but you know, that doesn't bother me. when he puts his hand on my tummy, and wants her to kick, she kicks.

but that is all for now.

no baby yet.

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