thoughiam.
04.15.2003, 11:26 p.m.

after the last really short entry things have been ok i guess.

i was plannign on writing an entry. but someone said it for me. i don't know who this person is, but i'm very curious. hopefully they read it and give me some kind of hint as to who they are. if you leave me a note or email me or something. the person i'm referring to is thoughiam. maybe i'm so interested in this person because they capture what i felt at a time, and what i'm feeling now. i seem to have lost my knack for writing. maybe it's the feedings every 2 hours, the crying, the diaper changes, the waking up at night. or maybe it's just the fact that i just plain don't want to hurt feelings.

anyway. this entry made me stop. at first i thoguht it was josh. but, whoever it is. i'm very curious. the writing style feels very familiar. either way. i'm curious. and i like it.

i'm going to quote part(s) of the entry just because it's pretty much how i feel right now.

"i guess i'm here because i'm tired of dreaming. i'm tired of wanting what i can't have. i guess i'm worried about the future. if i have one. if i can handle one. i guess i'm worried that i've got one shot left for everything to work out.

i guess i'm here because i want people to listen. i want you to read. i want you to understand what i'm going through. ...... i go from one minute to the next, coping, keeping my head above water. i've come to the point where i need to be able to float. no struggle. no constant battle.

i want to know what it's like to enjoy myself. i want to have fun. i want to be happy. i don't want to always see the danger. i don't want to always have to avoid it. i don't want to be afraid."

pretty much go and read the entry. and it's everything i want to say, almost, at least.

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