sleep.
3.10.2001, 10:08 am.

why in the hell am i up at 10 o'clock in the morning? why? because my niece stayed over last night. and she wanted to play games at zoogdisney.com. my mom doesn't know how to operate a computer very well (passed the basic word files and such) so i had to do it. plus the computers now in my room (from rick cutting the internet line in the other room). so, first she wants to type letters in word. then, she's finally ready to play the games. i'm dead tired. i didn't fall asleep tli after 3 (i was on the phone with mike. then he fell asleep. i like listening to him sleep, sue me. it's also fun watching him sleep. and, while this was going on, my mom came in. and i was already falling asleep (the third time i almost fell asleep then something woke me up) and turned off the computer (i left it on without an internet connection)) i hung up eventually. actually when my mom showed up. maddie had wanted to sleep in my room. but she would not shut up. i was in a terrible mood. i was all moody (as i can tell i'm going to be today) and i wanted to talk to mike. i hadn't gotten to talk to him as much since his mom asked him for help with some car stuff, then he and his dad went out for sushi (can you say yuck?). plus, my sister showed up earlier (3:40-4:00ish?) with maddie and jack. my patience was wearing thin with maddie anyway. some dude was emailing me telling me to read mike's email (we exchanged passwords) and see if mike kept old emails. first of all, that's a dangerous thing to do for me. i get insanely jealous over the stupidest stuff. so, why torture myself (and mike) with stuff from earlier last year? this is the past. i've had other guys in my past. and mike had his own. so yeah. i played with maddie. then we started to watch 'pocahontus' (spelling? nah). mike called. and we started talking. i was bored, so i randomly messaged some dude. and mike was getting lonely and everything. and i wasn't really in the compassionate mood (sue me. i try to be compassionate towards him all the time. sometimes you just can't be nice, even when you should be.). and then, he said something like, 'and you don't trust me.' i had had it. i hung up. he called back. and i basically said something like, 'i don't need to hear you say that i don't trust you. i have enough people telling me that.' i also didn't feel good. and i dunno. i was just...in a bad mood.

eventually we get off the phone, and move online cuz i have to put maddie to bed. so, mike gets online, i lay in bed with maddie. she talks and talks and talks. i'm really just...not at the best point right now. extremely moody. and i felt bad for not telling mike anything. so, she keeps asking when angel will get off my bed. so i take her to put angel in bed (you know how 4 year olds are. and if you don't, fuck you, you lucky bastard.). i tell my mom i don't have patience to deal with it. so, maddie and my mom watch 'the fox and the hound' til she falls asleep. i write an entry in achealone (too lazy to link. bite me) and call mike. we talk. and he tells me that kat didn't mean anything to him, but cindy did. and then he continues to an explanation. to be honest, i don't know how i handled it. part of me got somewhat jealous, part of me got pissed, part of me understood, and part of me felt bad. i wanted to cry. i had wanted to cry earlier that night. i still want to cry. but mostly, right now, i want to sleep.

it's weird because i got jealous of jay and joey. but not as jealous as i get with mike. and i hate it. i don't want to be jealous of some chick just because of whatever. it's annoying, and it's probably annoying to mike (if i let it show. half the time, i can't control it).

i had a shit load of stuff to say. but seeing how it's 10:23, i'm too tired to remember. and my bed looks very inviting. i just wanted to type something.

now, we must look for some sleeping pills, take about ten of them. then sleep til the mom comes home.

last - next